Flashing Red Light

Ambiguity… the Entrepreneur’s Friend

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“Ambiguity” — may be the largest force in the entrepreneur’s life and ecosystem.  Funding, customers, product development — all beyond the control of the entrepreneur.  The ability to handle ambiguity is a factor that I’ve encountered again and again in not only startups, but in real life, particularly the harsh environment of the emergency first responder.

Incomplete data, incomplete facts, partially completed product, inconclusive market data, partial context… limited time… what do you do?  Is this a threat?  An opportunity?  A distraction best ignored?

And as a leader, is this “business as usual” or does the environment shake you to your core? render you frozen with indecision… Is ambiguity  “comfortable” or at least familiar?

Is ambiguity your friend, or your foe?

In any uncertain situation whether business, or a traffic accident, I believe it is essential that the leader, or a leadership team, be comfortable with ambiguity.  So how do you spot this rare animal in a leader (or potential leader)?

Use the test here: http://jasonseiden.com/handling-ambiguity/ because his simple tests… resonate with my experience:

  • Comfort with unclear social settings
  • Intellectually curious
  • Strong and demonstrable “action orientation”
  • Good judgment

I couldn’t agree more.  Time and again I’ve found that leaders with those qualities/attributes… do fine with ambiguity.  And leaders not “comfortable” (an odd word, in this context) with ambiguity… they’ll drive themselves nutty, or at least their families.  Been there, done that.

Don’t have what it takes?  Don’t fret… it probably means your normal.  The ability to handle ambiguity, while “impressive” in the abstract, isn’t “normal” — in fact, these leaders can be hard to live with, hard to follow, hard to understand.  Don’t believe Hollywood’s projection of a leader… just because your leader is comfortable with ambiguity doesn’t mean they’re right.  Or easy to follow.  You may be a top performer in the leadership team precisely because you are not comfortable with ambiguity.

Most high performance teams need a combination of leaders comfortable with ambiguity, and members of the leadership team that insist on unambiguous decisions and stratetgy — wisdom and superior execution are a complicated combination of both perspectives.

Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is…

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One of my clients recently clued me in to what I believe is one of the secrets of increasing sales, social media marketing, and brand promotion.  Yep, all in one tidy package.

Most of us know from Malcom Galdwell, Seth Godin, and other erudite observers of the human condition that word-of-mouth is one of the most effective methods of promoting a business or product ever imagined.

And most of realize that that the power of social media, applied to commerce, transforms geographic distance and can even restore an “Olde Time” sense of community.  Angie’s List has acquired more gravitas, more impact than the Better Business Bureau (remember them?).  And as generations can attest, the vendor your distant cousin used, is the one you will use, if you have no other input on the matter.

So how does this matter to entrepreneurs? gift

Your customers are your ambassadors. The statistics are obvious: celebrities and athlete role models can absolutely drive brand and sales.  But when you can’t afford these famous people, there’s nothing better than a paying customer.

So why would a paying customer even bother to Like you on Facebook (or join your Network on Linkedin, for the business-to-business set)?  Why would they help you sell your next widget (or sign your next deal)?

The cruel answer is that they won’t.

(Coke and other established brands just can’t seem to understand this, despite research that proves their customer social media chatter doesn’t help them).

They’ve already purchased.  They’ve already had their needs met.  You’ve satisfied your part of the vendor-customer relationship.  They’re done.

Anything after this… is a favor.  Frankly, if you ask, you’ll owe them.  (dirty little secret: it’s the asking that implies the favor… even if they don’t follow through, you’ll owe them.  Ugh.)

And that’s after you have convinced them that you’re worthy.  And then pushed them to take action… on the favor you’ve asked them to do.  And risk annoying them.

 

But:  there’s another way.

It’s called gratitude, and it is universal.  And it’s worked for centuries… despite the more “recent” research that helps defend this essential human emotion.  You may find yesterday’s fascinating article in the New York Times illuminating: it describes the Professor Adam Grant and his research on empathy and the gift of giving.

How does this work?

Coupon ImageMy client, struggling to promote his awesome but expensive products, realized that he can increase sales, promote his brand, and reward his customers by a simple concept: he invites his presumably happy customers to personally convey to their specially-chosen friends… a substantial and significant discount with a special coupon.

And he doesn’t discount.  Ever.  He owns a luxury brand, and there is absolutely no point in discounting, ever.  Well, never is a long time, but I can tell you I can’t remember the last time I saw BMW or Patagonia discounting.  Yes, retailers offer Patagonia on discount (picked up a tasty sweater a few months ago) but I and everyone else attribute that kind of discounting to the retailer, not the brand.  The Patagonia and BMW brands are definitely not discount.

But you can get one of his products on deep, deep discount… if you know someone.  Like a dear friend.  Who already bought.  A happy customer.  That’s the only way.

 

And there is the genius.  Rather than the vendor being magnanimous and generous… he empowers the customer to be generous.

The customer is the hero, not the brand.  The customer gives the gift, not the company.  The reward for buying… is to be able to give.

And the customer thinks carefully (only one coupon is provided) about who is the worthy recipient…

Which:

  • Increases the likelihood the coupon will actually be used, i.e. gets another sale
  • Rewards the customer’s initiative to buy in the first place
  • Reinforces the customer’s buy decision with special recognition, now they are the member of a club
  • Supercharges the Word-of-Mouth, with a call to action (coupon expires soon)
  • Expands the network (both giver and recipient emails are captured; coupons are uniquely numbered)

The recipient receives this gift from a friend, from an intimate.  This gives the coupon itself a kind of gravitas that far out-weighs the endorsement provided by a celebrity, a review service such as Angie’s List, or even a product review by a branded media outlet.  And it is far, far beyond a mere Facebook “Like”.

Ultimately this is about broadening the customer base, spreading good will.  It isn’t about discounting.  In fact, I recommend against providing current customers discounts (how exactly would that be a good idea?).

And broadening the customer base with positive interaction is how you build a great brand.

This method works for products or services.  And especially well for any differentiated offering.  Seth Godin in Purple Cow goes farther and says that the product or service must be remarkable, a purple cow in a sea of brown cows.  And that it can’t be “painted purple after the fact” – it has to be inherently and authentically unique.  And that this will drive explosive Word-of-Mouth.

ducati monsterIf you offer unusual quality for your market segment or geography (e.g. custom home building, top-tier outdoor apparel, a tree-trimming service staffed by botanists), or if your offering is relatively expensive (e.g. BMW automobiles, yachts), or if your customers are highly selective because of the nature of your offering (e.g. hair stylists, massage therapists, highly-ranked legal counsel) you will benefit from this method to broaden your customer base and deepen your relationship with your customers.  I’ve seen it work.

 

Help your customers give you to your next customer.  And be sure to thank them.

 

Further research:

Ang Lee and the Uncertainty of Success

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“It’s common to hear “follow your bliss” or “do what you love and success follows.” Sounds great, right? Except here’s one small detail: You never get to know if it’s ever going to happen. You don’t get to choose if and in what form the success manifests; you don’t get to choose when it arrives.”

— Jeff Lin

In my newsletter last week I addressed the issue of startup founders with insufficient passion… you might want to read the thoughtful piece by Jeff, from which the quote above was pulled:

http://jeffjlin.com/2013/02/23/ang-lee-and-the-uncertainty-of-success

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Jeff relates his view of the director Ang Lee, whom he interviewed before he was “successful” and operating at scale, and reveals vital information about Lee’s journey which you may not know.  And whether you are a lone wolf entrepreneur, or a leader fighting to break through, Jeff has some perspective you’ll want to ponder.

(He’s also a great writer, and the piece is thought-provoking even if you are not an entrepreneur)

What Do You Really Want?

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As a venture capitalist, I met many engineers attempting to raise money for their startup tech company dream.  A pattern quickly emerged, which I hadn’t expected.  They couldn’t tell me why they wanted to start a company.

Often there was no passion as they struggled to explain Why.  And frankly, their explanation often sounded scripted.  Understandably, they were trying to tell me what they thought I wanted to hear – a common symptom when founders are trying to raise money.

As the pattern further developed, I eventually realized that they weren’t capitalists.  Almost none could tell me what their business model was for their company, let alone tell it with passion.  The simple reason: they weren’t passionate about the business.

This alone wasn’t reason enough to turn them down, but it was a huge red flag.  You won’t find many successful businesses, let alone high-risk speculative startups, without a passionate leader to take them through the very tough parts.  They have to really, really want it.

In fact, one prominent angel investor I work with told me years ago that he has never lost money when the founder was pursuing his or her passion – its not his only requirement for investing, but it is his most important one.

As it turned out, I found that many startup founders were primarily motivated by the desire to have independence.  Simply put, they wanted to control what they worked on, to choose who they worked with, and even the office space in which they worked.

And they didn’t realize it.

There are two problems with this.  First, they’re usually not going to get funded.  Passion for obsessive control is not a successful investment criteria for any investor (regardless of the homilies for Steve Jobs).

Second, if they somehow succeed in getting funded due to special circumstances (e.g. misrepresenting their motive of control; a frothy market for investment in the category; luck) they will be replaced as the leader by their investors at the first opportunity.

And this is truly unfortunate.  Reputations will suffer, months or even years of work will be sacrificed, and often teams will splinter irreparably, despite long-term relationships.  And the founder won’t get what they wanted in the first place!

This is just one example of misery due to not understanding what you Really Want. There are others…

You probably know a lawyer or two who are miserable in their chosen profession, despite having loved law school.

Engineers who discover they love teaching far more than working as an engineer.

And technical founders that never really wanted to run a business and revel in capitalism.

Often this can be avoided by a practice of mindful choices, along with a few tools.

Wants

Most of my clients are familiar with a simple, but demanding exercise I take them through.  I’ll summarize the key concepts for you here:

First, we need to distinguish between what we Want from what we Need.  Wants are aspirational, often thoughtful and informed.

For instance, if asked, most entrepreneurs will say that they Want “Integrity” in their life.  After all, who would say they don’t want to act with integrity?   Other examples include the Want for “Creating”, “To Be Appreciated” and “Financial Success”.

The exercise I use guides you through the thought experiment of trading off various Wants against each other, so that you can decide their relative importance in your future decisions.  A simplistic example would be “Choose one of Rich and Famous, but not both… which do you want?”

There is no right answer, and so the exercise is to determine your most important Wants. 

Of course, you could avoid the hard work, and make a list of 20 or even 30 aspirational goals, something like “To always act with integrity, while becoming rich and famous, and controlling every single thing and also being appreciated as a loving sensitive person who can relate to anyone… etc. etc.” but it wouldn’t be very practical.  Or realistic.

And the research shows that we can handle a limited number of goals and aspirations at any given time; I usually suggest no more than five.

Part of the exercise is designed to “get around” the intellectual, analytic part of our mind that tries to run most of the decision-making and goal-making in our lives… and get to latent Wants that have gone unnoticed because it’s not part of the intellectual, theoretical view of ourselves that we hold (or that we inherited from our parents).

Clients often uncover Wants that are deeply meaningful and touching, that didn’t make their first draft list of the most important.  This is when individuals sometimes realize (for instance) that they’ve always loved teaching; they’ve always loved tinkering; they’ve always loved creating products. 

Now we’re getting somewhere!

(And my investor colleagues would be interested in hearing about a startup that taps a founder’s life-long passion).

Needs

The second aspect of this topic is understanding your underlying Needs. Needs are the fundamental requirements that you can’t modify.

For example, one of my clients knows from long experience that she “needs” demanding cardio exercise at least every other day, if not 5-6 days a week.  Without enough of it, her physical self affects her mental self, and thus professional effectiveness, even her personal relationships.  She becomes edgy, even a little depressed.  If you aren’t like this, you probably know someone who is.  This isn’t a “Want” because it isn’t aspirational, and she can’t really “control” it in any simple way, it is an underlying drive.

A darker example of a Need would be an alcoholic that needs a drink, or really any addiction, including the addiction to always be working.

We will do almost anything for a Need – such as those previously described Founders who fib to their investors (and/or themselves) about their Need for control.

The relevance of the Need is that we want to understand it, without judgment.

Why?  Simply put, Needs that aren’t understood and identified, have a habit of sabotaging our work, our journey, and our relationships.  Regardless of whether it is a positive Need such as needing daily exercise, or a negative Need, such as controlling every small detail in product development, the first step is identifying it.

This part can be tough – our self-image, let alone our professional image or “brand” may not easily accommodate the insights about our Needs.

This process must be confidential, or the client will avoid the less flattering Needs or may not be able to admit to themselves what they really Want for fear of being seen impractical, greedy, or even unworthy.  This is one of the reasons why this can be very hard work.

But it is essential.  Even if there are no grand revelations, and the Wants and Needs documented through the exercise were known to the client all along, the clarity and written record creates a measuring stick that can be applied to future decisions.

I often encourage clients to review their final Wants/Needs inventory on a periodic basis, and when faced with a difficult decision.  They can remind themselves why they may be tilting in a particular way on the decision, and with this self-awareness, make a better decision consistent with their long-term goals.

And those unfundable technical founders I kept meeting in venture capital pitches?  They were mistaking their Need for control to be a Want for entrepreneurial work.

They will be far more successful if they find a role where their control requirements are a welcome attribute, or by partnering with an entrepreneurial leader who is passionate about capitalism.  And in the end, they’ll be far more happy, getting what they really Need.

 

Crazy, or Just Inspired?

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I was recently schooled on the importance of the “First Follower” in entrepreneurial startups, and the class was fully resonant.  In fact, I’m fairly embarrassed that I hadn’t realized the First Follower’s role before now.  Because it is essential.

The key here is that there isn’t much difference between a crazed whackjob and a brave new leader, at least not at first glance, and sometimes not even with the benefit of another look.  Is that guy crazy, or just inspired?

Let’s face it, we’ve all known for a long time that the #1 attribute of a entrepreneur is self-denial.  After all, the entrepreneur is going to hear constantly that It cannot be done, can’t be funded, can’t be built (or built affordebly), can’t be brought to market, can’t be (easily) sold, etc. etc.  Even the well-intended supporters can’t seem to stop themselves from pointing out the difficulties… and the entrepreneur has to ignore this input, has to practice self-denial and forge on ahead anyway.

But therein is the paradox.  An entrepreneur that ignores hard facts, hard constraints, and good advice… does so at their peril.  So how to balance the confidence to go on, no matter what, with the wisdom to listen and observe?

As we wonder about the individual on the whackjob-to-brilliance continuum, there is a test that almost everyone else is unconsciously waiting for: the First Follower.

This brief, 6 minute TED talk by Derek Sivers (founder of CD Baby, and quite a whackjob himself) you’ll see a vivid explanation of the concept: http://www.ted.com/talks/derek_sivers_how_to_start_a_movement.html

While we can lionize the courage of brave leaders, the most important test isn’t their idea (or themselves) but whether they can attract a First Follower.  As Sivers explains, the First Follower models for everyone else, what they should do.

Because the esteemed leader isn’t actually modeling the desired behavior.  He’s out in front, doing something crazy.  The First Follower is literally and figuratively the model of what the rest of us need to do, the catalyst from crazy idea to brilliance.

Obviously, that isn’t sufficient for success, but it is absolutely necessary.  And if you think about it, investors, journalists, candidate employees, and definitely customers are looking for it.

Think about it.

Prepare For Your Board Meeting

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Chapter 13 – Version 3

(An excerpt from my upcoming book)

 

While holding board meetings is not a high priority for most bootstrap entrepreneurs, I would argue that it should be on their priority list, and not at the bottom.  If the company has investors, whether friends and family, casual and professional angels, or institutional investors, then I believe it is a requirement.

To be direct, you’re nuts if you don’t hold board meetings regularly, and hold them well.  I’ll explain why in a moment.

But first, let’s clarify that we’re talking about early-stage companies, from pre-revenue to about a year of real revenue.  If the company is beyond that early stage, then there is no option – they are well in the zone where it simply makes sense to do it, and do it right.

And we’re talking about the Board of Directors, not the Board of Advisors.  To learn more about the difference, and how to use Board of Advisors see [future link to Board of Advisors chapter].

Why

There are at least five good reasons for holding board meetings from nearly the beginning:

1. In most states you have to hold at least one board meeting a year, as a regulatory requirement.

2. The officers report to the board, and regardless of the specifics of the company legal structure (LLC, S-Corp, C-Corp) without regular board meetings, there isn’t an effective chain of command.  And without that, you don’t secure the benefit of legal rights and protections of a company.  For instance, key decisions such as taking on office lease obligations or providing stock to early employees can be ratified and approved by the board, which formally and legally shares the risk associated with those decisions.  A sole founder without a board is a founder who is truly alone, legally.

3. Everyone needs a boss, even the independent entrepreneur on a quest.  Since the founder will have a shareholders or customers or a Board eventually, why not start early and grow into it?

4. It is rare that one individual can hold objectivity, so do yourself a favor and instill a structure that at least has the possibility of providing objectivity.

5. Perhaps most important of all, like any group, it takes a while for the group dynamics and culture to evolve, and your board will be more effective and helpful after that initial period — in my experience, about six months.

We’ll talk more about how to build a board, and care for it, elsewhere [future link: Building Your Board chapter].

 

Schedule of Board Meetings

Most early-stage companies will schedule monthly board meetings, because frankly they are moving so quickly that there is significant new progress, and issues related to that rapid movement, every 4-5 weeks.  If you can handle that, it is a good frequency for the founder.

But given other distractions, and even potential opportunity cost, as well as Directors that travel, every other month may be more realistic.

But above all, make a schedule, and stick to it.  Meeting regularly is more important than meeting frequently.  It helps you and your team to get into a routine of preparation, an enjoyable (and necessary) break from the constant opportunity interruptions most startups have to handle every day and week (and sometimes, every hour).  The periodic pause, reflect, prepare and present process of the board meeting is most valuable if the period is constant and regular — every 4 weeks, every 8 weeks, whatever works for you and your Directors.

Meeting By Phone

Many companies make it the norm because of the cost of face to face meetings; and it is often enables a meeting to occur despite international travel schedules.  Frankly, emergency board meetings (more on those in a moment) will often by by phone, due to prior commitments of the participants.

If you do adopt a practice of regular by-phone board meetings, then I strongly recommend that you vary that schedule, perhaps every other meeting is face to face, or every third meeting.  Of course a distributed team works better when it gets the human face to face experience.

Schedule Logistics

It may seem like a detail, but a vital component of the board meeting is the informal time before the meeting, especially if meeting face to face.  So when plotting out the schedule, and requesting commitments from your team and your Directors for the meeting, don’t forget this nuance.  In fact, make it part of the culture of your board.

Dinner the night before is ideal, in my experience, but your culture may involve other methods — customer visits, product demos with the development team, even leisure activities (um, I mean “team building” activities).  Anything that provides the “air space” for informal interactions between board members and yourself.

More about informal time in a moment.

Material Logitistics

Interviews with experienced board members (and new board members) reveal one source of constant frustration: materials delivered at the last minute, which forces the participant to either try to absorb the information as the meeting is unfolding, or wing it without the material.  Obviously, you’re not getting the most out of that participant.

And they’re feeling like they can’t do a good job.  The profile of a typical board member is that they are the kind of person that finds it very important to do a good job.  So don’t hamper them, no matter how busy you think you are with competing priorities.  So how to do this?

Develop a schedule for the materials, even if you’re the only one involved (unlikely) and especially if others on your team are involved — this will always include your finance person, your sales lead (if it isn’t you), and potentially your legal counsel.  So treat all of those folks helping you develop materials with respect, and get them a schedule like this:

1. Develop a list of needed materials 5 days before the meeting;

2. Be at final draft 3 days before;

3. One last pass for typos and mistakes 2 days before, and Hit SEND;

4. Confirm by email with each participant that they received the materials (goes wrong all the time);

Note the use of email to send the board materials (consider using DropBox or similar large file sharing site).  Electronic everything isn’t just for your convenience, but for your board members.  If they prefer paper, they’ll print it.  They will appreciate the convenience of electronic copies (rather than a Fedex) and you need to save money.

If necessary, scan in original documents if you don’t have the electronic form.

Finally, print two or three paper copies of everything you sent electronically, and bring these packets to the meeting so that a participant with a computer problem isn’t dead in the water.

Emotional Content

Students of mine will not be surprised to learn that I view the Board Meeting as primarily a conduit for emotional content, not distribution of logical, analytic material and forum for judiciary-like decisions.  Indeed, business is about people, and between people, and people are emotional.

Keeping that in mind,

[to be continued]

 

 

Why Partner?

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Chapter 3

Why Partner?

(from my upcoming book)

 

Indeed, why ask a partner to join you in your business?

Many of my clients, and before them, many of the founders I counseled, have assumed that they need a partner.  Even those who had lost money, endured sleepless nights, or otherwise suffered in previous startups that involved a partner seemed to still think that they needed a partner, in order to be successful.

I certainly identify with the assumption, and I myself had a partner for more than a decade continuously, and enjoyed it immensely while benefiting from it in myriad ways.  But that’s rare.  What seems to be the rule, not the exception, is ugly divorces.  Yes, not only did my partner and I come to a graceful conclusion, we’re still dear friends and would trust each other with our very lives.  How do you get one of those?  Well, we’ll talk about that…

First, let’s delve into why so many founders assume they need partners, or at least co-founders.  Then we’ll examine what is behind those “needs”.  We’ll finish up with some specific, concrete tools you can use if you’re thinking about a partner.

The Usual Suspects

Most of the entrepreneurs I meet who are looking for a partner, or have just recruited one, have done so because

[To be continued]

 

Steve Jobs

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There will be much said in the coming days from technology industry people far more articulate than me, with valuable insights and first-hand experience, regarding the passing of “Steve”. I’ll be interested in what they have to say, as it will be better than me. And since I’ve been using the products since the Apple-II and the Lisa, I’ll be eager to read them. But for tonight:

Someone once mentioned to me that Seattle was the only place they’d ever been where prestigious (and rich) business leaders were casually referred to by their first names, by people who had never worked with them. “Steve”, “Bill”, and “Paul”.

I had to agree with their observation. And add this: “Larry” in the Valley will never be as recognizable as “Steve”, and that habit started before “Bill”. I know this, because I went to high school in the Valley, with Apple employee #17 (yes, he was in high school too at the time, and he would give me a ride from school to Apple, and I’d walk home from there).  I’ve been keenly aware of Woz and Steve since then.

I didn’t even like him, but I admired him. And followed him.

Andy Grove was and is a great leader, and I kneel at the feet of Gordon Moore whom I had the honor of “working with” (I’m exaggerating my role) more than once. But Steve, well, Steve I could relate to. He wasn’t like me, but I thought maybe I was like him.

Dropped out of Reed College, check. Cultivated geeks more capable than himself, check. Started a company working the Net 30 financing method, check. Embraced UNIX before most knew what it was, check. Curious about everything and anything, check.

After that, it gets pretty different. Billions of dollars different, but other things too, many of which offend me still, decisions he made and people he screwed. I hope, not what I would have done, given his resources. And of course, he has awesome design (and I have none).

But I can’t deny it. He was not just figuratively, but literally, an inspiration. Thank you.

How To Choose A Coach

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Chapter 2

(From my upcoming book)

 

You’ve probably heard how fantastic coaches can be, and how they can truly leverage your commitment and investment.  You’re wondering if that’s really true, and if it is, how do you choose one?  And you may be wondering if the expense is worth it.

In general, coaching in almost any discipline or sport is “worth” it because the one-on-one attention can be so productive.  It is scarcely imaginable that a sports team could exist, let alone consistently win, without a leader with more experience than the players, the benefit of a “big picture” perspective, possession of a literal or figurative book of strategy, and the objectivity inherent in standing on the sidelines.  While there are exceptions to this rule, where the coach is also one of the players, the weighty load of leadership combined with sheer scale quickly pushes “player/coaches” exclusively into the coaching role — successful company officers in the military are continually promoted to roles away from the sharp end of the spear.  There is a long tradition of successful performance of individuals counseled and aided by effective coaches.

My First Coach

While both of my parents seem to have had the “math gene”, I credit my Uncle Stephen (an honorary title) for my achievements in math, high school Advanced Placement status, and a lifelong comfort with numbers and calculation.  He was my one-on-one tutor at the end of fifth grade.

Freed from the constraints of other students and a regulated pace, we quickly covered the necessary ground of my delinquency — to my parent’s horror I had somehow avoided learning my multiplication tables, and thus the recruitment of Uncle Stephen, a math professor from a university in Budapest, recently fled to the U.S..  Within weeks, we were covering elementary algebra, and then to my delight, moving on to geometry and base number systems other than 10, and so on.  Late into high school I would suddenly realize in class that I already had covered the material with Uncle Stephen, 5 to 6 years earlier.  What a gift.

If I have a profound regret in my 30 year career, it is my relatively late (and weak) adoption of mentors and coaches along the way.  Despite the deep lesson of Uncle Stephen, I made it a regular practice to go it alone, to tough it out, to prove to myself (and my parents, and others) that I “could do it myself.”  It wasn’t just that I had something to prove, it was a source of comfort and reassurance to myself that I was worthy, valid, and capable.  Even today, I value self-reliance and competence among the highest accomplishments one can achieve.  And it isn’t any coincidence that this is a measure that one can take of one’s self — external objectivity doesn’t seem necessary.  One can be self-reliant in measuring one’s self-reliance!

See where this is going?

Many, if not most, of the entrepreneurs I have met in the hundreds of startup companies that have contacted me for investment, endorsement, and assistance fit this profile.  They are confident, armored with thick skin, and ready to prove themselves.  And perhaps too ready to prove that they can do it without help.

What’s Important About Your Coach

As with any close working relationship, the first requirement is communication.  You’re going to want someone you feel comfortable talking to, and what that really means is that from your first interaction with a prospective coach, you should feel like you are heard.

I mean “heard” in the fullest sense of the concept — pauses where they listen, questions that clarify and confirm what they thought they heard you say (so that they can fine-tune what they heard), and the hard-to-describe sense that they “get it” about what you just said.  The style and specific tactics for achieving this will vary from coach to coach, but the results are easy to feel.  You are heard.

This isn’t just because it feels good to be heard (it does).  It is essential that they get your perspective, because they can’t help you achieve your goals unless they can hear you describe them.  And this isn’t just a one time deal — your goals will probably evolve, and certainly your situation will evolve.

By the way, their ability to “get what you’re saying” should be relatively instantaneous.  Their ability to “get you” and understand who you are, and where you are coming from, well that might take a while.

If you have any doubts about the listening abilities of your prospective coach (or your current coach!) then it isn’t a good match.

Shared Values

As we will discuss in another chapter, I’ve found that we’ve all developed coping strategies for getting along with other people.  Scientists have worked to quantify this, and better understand this, but to summarize their results — entrepreneurs are generally more successful when they have a highly defined “EQ”, emotional intelligence.  In contrast to I.Q., the ability to reason, use metaphors, and solve problems, EQ can be broadly defined as relating well to other people and communicating effectively with a broad spectrum of personality types.  For many experienced business people, it is no surprise that EQ is an indicator of success in business, particularly in new ventures.

Yet if you benefit from this advantageous attribute, it can undermine your choice of a coach.  In other words, just because you can get along with nearly anyone, don’t use that low hurdle in evaluating the fit of your prospective coach to your style of interaction.  Raise the bar, and seek a coach with whom you have shared values.

The coach-client relationship is most effective when it is intimate, in the sense that any subject, problem, or issue is within bounds.  Even extroverts may not share everything they feel, fear or hope for with their friends and colleagues.  Discussing fears and goals are part of the coaching process, but you’re just not going to get your full value unless you disclose them.  And you’re unlikely to do that with someone you can “get along with” but with which you share few values.

How do you determine your values, and your prospective coach’s values?

[to be continued]

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